In the fifth grade, Ms. Moran, assigned my class to write a persuasive paragraph on whether or not fifth graders should vote in the presidential election.
After we wrote our essays, we read our arguments in front of the class. All the kids had the same response: "yes, fifth graders should vote". In my memory, none of them had a persuasive reason. It was just the ‘cool’ thing to do.
Another unfortunate case of peer pressure.
When it was my turn, I stood up with confidence while wearing an oversized Disney t-shirt my mom said could double as a dress. I then proudly stated, “no, us fifth graders should not vote”.
Peer pressure didn’t work on me back then.
However, it works on me now, and that’s how I got the shitty $80 dino tattoo:
As I stood in front of the class with my bad fashion and my lame-ass, unpopular-kid opinion, I read my paragraph with the same conviction as Maury Povich when he announces paternity test results, “Between school, homework, and chores, we kids already have so much stress in our lives, why would we add to our stress by voting?”
At ten years old I argued that I was too stressed to add more responsibilities to my already full, metaphorical plate.
I repeat…at ten years old.
I mean, with TGIF and SNICK, even my weekends were packed.
Fast forward 26 years, and I’m still a stress case. If I notice I’m not stressed, I then stress about not being stressed.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I say all this because now (as a working adult and not a fifth grader) I have to be particular about company fit. If it’s not the right fit, my stress can not only have a mental impact but also a physical one.
I saw this a lot with clients when I was a full-time personal trainer. Many of them would work for months with me and see little results. Whenever they asked me about it, I would tell them the same thing: “Quit your job.”
Of course, no one took that advice.
It’s pretty terrible.
But I meant it.
I had at least one hour a week with each of my clients. In that one hour, most of them would complain about their jobs. And with good reason. All of them had the same expectations from their higher-ups despite working in completely different fields: they were all expected to perform like machines with non-stop output and minimal rest.
Even machines eventually break down.
Of course they weren’t reaching their goals! They were in a constant state of stress. But how does stress affect fitness?
Here’s the Sparknotes version: Stress produces the hormone cortisol. Cortisol is good (and necessary) in small doses but bad in excess. Excess doses can increase appetite and makes the body store fat. Fat is not muscle. Muscle was usually my clients' goal. My clients then blame me because they weren’t seeing the results they wanted.
I would then tell them to quit their jobs.
It’s a vicious cycle.
I say this all (half) jokingly, but it is something to take into consideration if you’re working out frequently and eating well but results are stagnant. It’s a possibility stress is holding you back.
The first step to combat stress is recognizing you’re stressed. Even someone like me who can only function while stressed has a limit to how much stress I can manage. I recognize my limit when I lash out at my dear, kind-hearted, saint of a husband.
He usually doesn’t deserve it.
Usually.
So what do I do when I recognize the symptom?
I quit my job.
Just kidding…
Well kinda…
When I was in lower-paying jobs with zero benefits, I would just quit and go to the next lower-paying job with zero benefits. But as I gained experience (my pay increased with that experience), it wasn't responsible or practical for me to just quit. So instead, I would casually job hunt (because a serious job hunt would stress me out).
It was empowering knowing I could just as easily replace my employer as they could replace me.
If my clients didn’t quit their jobs (they never did), I went to plan B:
Slam shit!
I’d give them a slamball and have them go to town.
Tough day in the office?
Slam shit!
Argument with the significant other?
Slam shit!
Stubbed your toe?
Slam shit!
It is an unapologetically aggressive exercise that will transfer the stress-filled energy from your body into the ball and then into the ground.
Or Hell if you're REALLY stressed.
So next time you’re stressed, grab a slamball and slam that shit for a minute straight and see how you feel afterward. Remember, keep your core tight and choose a weight suitable for your fitness level. You may feel like the Hulk when stressed, but your muscles aren’t necessarily trained like the Hulk's.
This exercise may be a temporary solution, but at least it’s a fun one.
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