Peasant Dresses and Sex Cults

I was walking my dog at my apartment community when I spotted three suspicious women wearing peasant dresses under black jackets. 

Now, I am convinced peasant dresses are going to be that style we all look back on and collectively agree that it "was a terrible look".

 But even when I place my personal fashion opinions aside (yes I am writing this while wearing skinny jeans), these women still had a bit of a culty vibe. 

All of them had straight hair in loose ponytails, no makeup, and casual boots. 

None of them made eye contact with me. One, in fact, looked my direction then looked away, and then moved her eyes ever so slightly to look at me again. 

She side eyed me. 

In hindsight though, I think I was doing the same thing to them. Perhaps I was the one making THEM uncomfortable?

I had no choice but to walk past them to get to the dog park. So, I picked up my pace as I got closer. Archie (my dog) didn't bark and had no qualms about making eye contact with them. 

Clearly, he did not pick up on their culty vibe. 

Finally, as we walked past them I hear one of the women say "awww". Part of what made them so suspicious was that none of them looked at my dog. We were walking for a solid 10 seconds before anyone acknowledged this little dude's face. 

But after the "awwww" comment I let my guard down a little bit. 

As we walked ahead of them I not-so-subtly looked behind to see where they were going. All three of them walked up the stairs of one of the buildings. They seemed so casual I assumed they were visiting a friend. 

Archie enjoyed the dog park. He barked, peed, and played with his little doggo friends for about a half hour. When we walked back, I saw those same three women walking again. Only this time, they were walking outside my building. 

I KNEW IT!

Besides those dresses being ugly, it was like 40 degrees outside. If those dresses are not cute in the warm summer, they sure as hell are not cute enough to suffer through the cold winter. 

This time I really avoided eye contact and rushed Archie up the stairs to my apartment. As I approached my door, I saw a little card wedged in it. 

I pulled it out and quickly unlocked my door. I didn't look to see what the card said until I entered my apartment because I wasn't sure if they had followed me. 

I shut the door as quickly as I could. I locked it. I gave Archie a little pat to confirm he did a job well done. And then I finally looked down and saw this:

To be fair, there is no way these women would have known I was not their audience. 

I am a devout non-religious. And I am an even more devout non-Christian. I think one meme summed it up the best with the simple question: "Are you Christian Christian or Republican Christian?"

I see a lot of religious manipulation as a means of political gain, so I've chosen to stay away from it all.

Cold turkey. 

And if one religion can't have my devotion, none of them can.

I don't want it to cloud my judgment. I also stay away from meth for this same reason. 

I just feel like I can love thy neighbor without condemning them to hell for eternity if they disagree with my beliefs. 

With that said, I do understand the appeal of religion. It's a community that gives a sense of hope and reaffirms there's something bigger than you out there. 

I also appreciate some of the messaging. Especially when it's just a statement. 

Back in my hometown, a guy stood outside one of the local Starbucks and held a sign with the statement  "Jesus loves you". That was it. No preaching. No attempt at converting me. No asterisk. 

Just a simple statement.

It was nice. Even if I don't swing that way, I could appreciate the acknowledgment. 

The customized message on the card left by the culty women was also nice. They even wrote it carefully in gel pen. A pen that notoriously smears. 

I don't even have to type out the message. Look at that clear gorgeous handwriting? 

I have to give kudos where they are due. 

"You have a purpose in this life". It's a good message, and with the chronic rain and post-holiday blues, I actually think this is a not-so-terrible thing to pass out to people. 

But what got me about the card wasn't the message. 

What got me was the URL: ComeUntoChrist.org/Jesus.

Now my day job is copywriting where I dabble in SEO. This is either a genius choice of keywords or it's a trap. I also am surprised at the redundancy of Christ and Jesus in the same URL. But perhaps they wanted to get both "christ" and "jesus" in the same keyword group? But why is "jesus" not part of the homepage? 

If this is a legit URL, that means any person searching "come" and "unto" or mistyping "onto" may have a chance of stumbling upon this URL. 

Possibly, at a moment of weakness, They stumble on the page, start reflecting on their life, and take the accidental website stumbleupon as a sign they need a change. They see it as a positive. Join the church. Find Jesus. And their lives are better...

Or...

 

It's a trap. 

The bottom of the card was printed with The Church of Latter Day Saints logo. 

I listen to way too many true crime podcasts to fall for that.

This is definitely a sex cult disguising itself as the Church of Latter-Day Saints. 

Let's break down the evidence:

1. Three women all dressed alike

2. Gel pen (the sexiest of pens)

3. URL with the keywords  "Come" "Unto"

4. The official Latter-Day Saints website URL is churchofjesuschrist.org which has both "jesus" and "christ" in the URL and is arguably an easier website address to remember. 

I refuse to check the URL on the card. If anyone is courageous enough to do so, please let me know what's on the other side. 

Until then, I will presume those suspicious women were recruiting for some sort of sex cult.

Or a peasant dress cult. 

Who's to say.