My own origin story. The story you didn't know existed about the person you didn't know exists. It's a bit audacious if not narcissistic. Maybe a bit of both. But I would be lying to you if I didn't say this really was years of failed creative endeavors to get me here.
On blogger.
In 2023...
I think with context clues you can assume I'm not on TikTok. As well as assume I'm well into my 30s.
Here is a brief overview of my past not-successes:
Not Successful Podcasts
In 2012 I discovered podcasts: back before the popularity of Serial, and when I associated podcasting with Kevin Smith, director, and writer of one of my comfort watches Zack and Miri Make a Porno.
I was a big fan of the podcast Jay and Silent Bob Get Old and a bit of a fan of Smodcast. I can't remember which show it was, possibly both, but Kevin Smith preached how everyone should pick up a mic and start recording their own podcast. If he can do it, anyone can. So I took that literally and have a rough collection of Podcasts I never did anything with and are cringe AF:
The Rejected Stepford Prototypes (2013): Still one of my favorite titles I've come up with. My best friend and I recorded ourselves talking about our marriages, sex stuff (because we were risky broads), and topical news stories. We recorded at least a few weeks' worth of episodes. But before we could publish, I got divorced. It seemed tacky to post about my relationship when, in fact, my relationship was over.
Tipsy Titty Talk (2016): After I got divorced, I met a winemaker whom I had fallen in love with. According to a palm reader at the Highland Games, he just so happens to be my soulmate too. So now I not only get an endless supply of wine but also get a lifelong partner.
Because he's my soulmate he humors me a lot, and he agreed to record a podcast with me. The theme was simple: talk about winemaking and burlesque (because at the time I had done a couple student performances (yes it's a thing in burlesque)). Turns out, I didn't have much more to talk about besides how to keep pasties on (it's carpet tape btw). And that was that.
You'll Do (2018): A podcast where I interviewed couples and got each person's perspective of how they first met. The format was actually kinda legit: person one would tell their side of the story of how they met (no interruptions from their partner) then person two would tell the same story from their perspective.
I successfully interviewed my now husband (the winemaker/soulmate) and my best friend Shelby (separate episodes). I tried to recruit other couples, but I either came on too strong with my sales pitch or never followed up with a recording date.
However, I have since turned the title into stickers.
You're Welcome.
I'm Not a Successful Adult (2021): A tribute podcast to my favorite show New Girl. I half-assed published one episode and then Welcome to Our Show started where the main actors from New Girl talk about my favorite show, New Girl. Figured it was dumb to continue recording after that...
Not Successful Coffee Table Book
Back when I used Facebook daily, I used to post #AdultingTips. Now, this was before the word "adulting" was considered lame by Gen Z, and the term "Geriatrich Millennial" had yet to be invented.
Every few days I posted an #AdultingTip and got a mediocre response from my Facebook friends. I then decided I would take my top #AdultingTips and self-publish them into a book. I used a free template on Canva, found a fairly inexpensive printer, then self-published 100 copies. I still have roughly 75.
It's littered with typos but does have the occasional punchline despite having 25 tips. I sold them to friends and family and through Etsy. Now I owe Etsy 20 cents for the shop I briefly opened, and now they don't let me buy things on their platform if I am logged in.
Not Successful Blogs
If I want to go back to the way way back machine of blogging, my very first blog was on LiveJournal. Yes, I got an invite to join. Yes, I wrote teenage Rikki shit in it. And yes, I used an alias that I will never tell a fucking soul to. Just know, it's on the internet and still exists. Probably under my kinkyrockstart@yahoo.com email because I was a teenage cliché.
Since then, I used the OG Myspace to post blogs (RIP) and eventually started a couple that I was quasi-consistent with.
Pippen Bordeaux's Blog (2008): I did use blogger for this one. It was written from the perspective of my cat because I am a millennial cliché. Was it good? I don't remember. And unlikely, but she did have more followers than me on Facebook. (That part is not true, but I felt like it added to the story.)
A Not so Fitness Junkie (2012): A blog that originally started as a Body By Vi Review. If you've never heard of it, Body By Vi was a multi-level marketing brand that sold weight loss shakes. The fact is, you're going to lose weight if you drink a low-calorie shake instead of eating a full meal.
So, frankly, it worked.
But then I got hungry and ate.
It stopped working.
That blog evolved into a general fitness blog that I eventually got bored of writing. The most views I got was on a post about my see-through yoga pants and a Stairmaster. You can read it here. 400 views and still no checks from Google Ads.
Wine For Misfits (2017): When I moved to Napa Valley I decided to create a travel blog in the form of an ironic "Kitty Rating System" because wine ratings are incredibly arbitrary and a form of marketing at best.
So I decided to create my own arbitrary wine rating system.
That blog is also littered with typos and grammatical errors (are you seeing a pattern?) because I hate editing my own work. But it does include cute little cat vectors that I added doodles to in hopes people could make educated decisions on which wineries to visit.
